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Maybe because I run an inspirational news website, folks often come to me for advice.
Here's today's: Don't wish bad karma on a snake. It will come back to bite you. No, not the snake. Rather the karma.
See if you can follow this story, for it has more twists and turns than the snake that has the starring role.
It starts with my personal assistant, Ria. She is absolutely awesome. Actually, deserves her own column, which I'll get around to soon. Suffice it to say, Ria is the wife every woman should have. Did you see the Sex In The City Movie? See how Jennifer Hudson saves Sarah Jessica Parker's life? That's how it is around here.. You get the idea.
Anyhow, Monday, Ria is in my kitchen while I'm in the other room. I could swear she said, "Daryn, there's a snake in your kitchen." When I rushed in there to see her white ashen face, I figured, yep. That's what she said.
She explained how came out of the tiniest hole. All 4 feet of it. Brown with white spots. The snake took one look at Ria and just like they promise you on those nature shows, it was more afraid of us than we were of it. Slipped right back in the teeniest tiny hole from it had come.
I immediately took this all as a sign. My wu-wu books that talk about animal symbolism say that snakes symbolize change and transformation. It has to do with the way they shed their skin. The books explain that if you find a dead snake when you're walking around that indicates some change is on its way to your life. Find a live one? Yep, something big is coming your way. A big fat live one invites itself into the heart of your hearth?? Whoa, Nellie! Some big change and transformation is coming my way! I'll keep an eye out for that big change while I go on with my story.
I came up with what I thought was a brilliant idea. Put sticky, clear packing tape over the tiny hole where snake popped out. That way, either the snake will get the message that it's not welcome here, or even funnier, it will try to barrel its way through, only to get its little snakey lips stuck on the tape. Oh, we had a good laugh about that one, Ria and I did, just thinking about the imagery of the snake trying to talk w/lips stuck to tape.
Yeah, not a very good idea.
Fast forward to yesterday. Kris the Wonder Contractor came over to make sure the snake had not actually taken up residence here. He's usually solving one crisis or another in this 80-year old house. It's always a relief to see him. Only his arrival for the Great Snake Hunt coincided with has become my daily afternoon ice cream treat. Darn it. So as to fully enjoy the ice cream, I put it back in the freezer, already scooped out into the bowl with the spoon in the side.
Kris checked out the basement. He assured me there was no sign of Mr. Snakey. He thinks the snake was just looking for some dry ground after last weekend's wild weather. Kris and I visited for a bit. It's a Southern thing. When he left, I thought, "Great. No snake, just me and my bowl of ice cream!" which I grabbed out of the freezer.
I went for that first heaping bite only to suddenly have a serious problem. Uh oh. For not only was the ice cream frozen, so was the spoon!
My lips were now stuck to the spoon!! The same thing I had wished for the snake and the tape was now happening to me and the ice cream spoon. Just like those kids who try to lick a frozen flagpole?? You get the imagery.
After a couple good yanks, I was able to get the spoon free still with a generous glop of ice cream on it. Only I was confused. There was no cherry or strawberry in my vanilla peanut butter cup slow churn ice cream?
Uh no….that was the blood gushing from my lower lip after detaching from the frozen spoon. Was not pretty or fun.
And I have no one to blame but myself. So, please don't try this at home. Don't wish bad karma on any snakes. It will indeed come back to bite you.
I shared this story and advice with my friend Rusty at dinner.
"So whatever happened to the snake?" Rusty wanted to know.
"I think he checked out by noon," I said. He's probably laughing all the way to the next place he'll show up knowing, "Those folks better not mess with my karma."
I pretty much figure that the big change and transformation on the way to my life will be more significant than living without several layers of skin inside my lower lip. I'll keep an eye out and let youknow.
Meanwhile, I'm off to find the Blistex.
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